Mila Kunis should make Ashton Kutcher look at her 'shredded vag' if he wants kids

Here is what I think about men and babies. If you can’t handle what happens to a woman’s body when she grows a human being inside of it and then pushes it out of her vagina, you don’t get to have any babies.

That’s pretty much it.

Mila Kunis said in an interview with Marie Claire that she won’t let Ashton Kutcher see what happens to her “vag” when she gives birth. Specifically, it’s her “shredded” “vag” she doesn’t want him to see.

Two people are allowed in my delivery room. My doctor and my significant other. And he is staying above the action. He’ll be head to head. Not head to vag. Unless he wants to risk his life and see. But I wouldn’t if I were him. I highly doubt he wants to see that being ripped apart and shredded. Because it will be shredded. It’s just a matter of how badly.

Now, I understand what’s behind this. I, also, have no real desire to watch a baby come out of a woman’s vagina. I realize women have been doing this since, like, forever, but it still feels insane to me. That human is way bigger than your vagina.

But here’s the other thing. Most men don’t seem to “get” pregnancy or reproduction. They want kids — whatever they think that means — but for so many men, the idea of “having a family” is just that — an idea, not a reality.

I remember asking my ex if having kids was something that was important to him. “Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe I’d like to have a couple of rugrats to toss the ball around with,” he said.

This is Britney Spears' kid, in case that isn't obvious.
This is Britney Spears’ kid, in case that isn’t obvious.

It was hard to continue the conversation at this point because my head caught on fire and exploded and there was blood and singed pieces of brain everywhere and it was totally gross you guys, but I think I said something like “HMMM MMMM that’s exactly what having a baby is like; you just, like, throw the ball around a bit with some kid just like on teevee.” (Also, “rugrats”??? Stopppppppppp. No, stop.)

I think I also said something like “How about if you want a baby, you grow a uterus and rip your vagina up to your asshole pushing it out, k deal?”

Since men are not the ones birthing babies and have, historically, not been the ones who have to spend the majority of their lives caring for and raising said babies, “having a family” has an entirely different meaning for them. “Yeah, I’d like to have kids at some point,” can come out of their mouths like it’s this casual thing. “Sure, that could be fun.”

The fantasy of what it means, in real life, to have kids (not saying I know, first-hand, because my only baby is a puppy and I hear it’s not exactly the same thing) extends to the body. The complaints from men about their wives’ vaginas being less tight, about the weight-gain, sagging breasts or stretched-out stomachs that can come with giving birth seem a particularly violent kick in the face after having gone through something no man will ever understand and, from what I hear, can be a pretty unpleasant (even dangerous).

To Mila Kunis I say: Make Ashton Kutcher look at your shredded vag! Make him deal with the reality of childbirth and the toll it takes on women’s bodies. Don’t contribute to the male delusion that a woman can pop out a couple of kids, easy-peasy, and still feel and look and act the same. Actually, make all boys watch childbirth videos in sex ed. Make them all look at Mila Kunis’ “shredded vag.” That seems like a real sex education, yeah? Oh, right and then make men responsible for actually raising their kids. Maybe then “having a family” won’t seem like just a convenient way to start a tiny baseball team.

Meghan Murphy

Meghan Murphy

Meghan Murphy, founder and editor of Feminist Current, is a freelance writer and journalist. She completed a Masters degree in the department of Gender, Sexuality and Women’s Studies at Simon Fraser University in 2012 and lives in Vancouver, B.C. with her dog. Follow her @meghanemurphy

  • ptittle

    Yeah, and we should change ‘having a family’ to something less vague and passive. We should start with ‘make some human beings’, then follow with something like ‘for which we will be responsible 24/7 for fifteen years’.

    • Meghan Murphy


  • Ben Funk

    I am one of the dumb ones. It wasn’t until very late in my partners’ pregnancy that the immediacy of there being an entire human inside her, that would have to come out, sank in. Somehow “the pregnancy” was this disconnected thing, like the idea of an RRSP or new car purchase. or other adult thing I had no previous experience with. This, coupled with the Assumption, made me quite stupid (the Assumption being if all babies come from women, all women know about having babies and being pregnant. Intrinsically, magically, by virtue of their gender. Of course.).

    Fortunately, my brain did engage at some point and it all worked out.

    As for surprise body modifications due to birth and pregnancy- well, honestly, it was pretty upsetting at first.

    I think I gained close to twenty pounds during the course of the pregnancy, which gave me stretch marks on my inner thighs. Also, after the baby was born I had huge puffy bags under my eyes from poor sleep. It took forever to get my pre-pregnancy body back, and I’m still not there (still hating my curvy hips).

    Also, I’ve become bald over the years. Definitely no longer turning heads. Yet she still loves me, in spite of the ravages of pregnancy and parenting.

  • stephen m

    It is my impression living in Canada, that for more than 30 years it has been *expected* that fathers should attend birthing classes and later the birth of their children. The only irony that I saw during our childbirth classes was the one first time father that was sure his wife would have a natural childbirth without an epidural. I doubt he had any say in the matter when it came down to the actual birth.

    Men attending the birth of their children is an experience that should be encouraged and not to be missed. The impact of watching your lover deliver a baby lasts a lifetime, both scary and beautiful.

  • Stacy

    I honestly think it’s messed up that anyone would feel shameful of childbirth or their body during the process. A woman’s reproductive system is an amazing place and it is tough as nails. Respect your bodies!

    • Miss Hell Bedlam

      I feel the same. I also think breastfeeding is just amazing. Women make food with their boobs! We are just the coolest.

      • stacy

        Motherhood in general can be a rewarding experience. It’s a body and mind thing. I was reflecting on what Meghan wrote this morning and wish I had said more. Mila is exhibiting self-objectification and that is something I think should have been explored. Meghan seemed to internalize the work of motherhood and the lack of understanding men have toward having children ( motherhood and all that goes with it). I really know nothing of Ashton but just being in the delivery room is really cool, many men pass on that because they don’t want to think of a vagina as something other than their personal fuck toy.

        No man will ever understand everything in motherhood, they can’t. But WANTING to be part of the process rather than just a sideline spectator is a fantastic start. So is respecting the agency of the mother and being supportive. And so does all the shit that comes after – helping with chores, changing diapers, giving mommy breaks, being a good partner etc. I think many men have a lot of false expectations going into family life – and certainly some of that is from socialization. But honestly, a shit load of women do too. It’s not just about their bodies or making “baseball teams”, its about the change in lifestyles and the change in cognition ( yes, your thoughts and emotions change too ). Anyway, Mila shouldn’t have to worry about what others think of her vag or any other part of her body. The real question is WHY does Mila worry about that – which gets to the heart of a feminist perspective.

  • Yumi

    I’m all for having information about the nitty gritty of childbirth be common knowledge instead of shrouded in vagueness like it is now for most people who wouldn’t bother to research the topic. I can get behind showing birth videos in sex ed. I really like the idea of calling it “make human beings that you will be responsible for 24/7 for years”. I hate those tools on True Dad Confessions who keep complaining about their wives’ vaginas and other body changes after birth.

    But childbirth is kind of like taking a dump (in the case of childbirth, there could be actual defecation involved). A natural bodily function and nothing to be ashamed of, to be sure, but I can understand if someone would like a little privacy in that moment. There would already be a doctor looking right at the business end. So it’s a small measure of privacy that there isn’t one more looky-loo. But still.

    I would say staying by her side would be infinitely more comforting than staring down the opposite end while she’s busting her ass (and busting her vagina) pushing out a human.

    I agree that a lot of men need to grasp the reality of childbirth and childcare. But they really need to do that before getting someone pregnant. Because it’s so true that people shouldn’t have kids if they can’t handle the reality of it all, but it’s kind of too late if he only realizes that in the process of the kid being born. It’s not like the kid can be sent back for a refund at that point!

    • Ursula Griffiths

      Defecation is part and parcel of giving birth, as is piles. Don’t talk to me about the piles. Just one more note on this. Robbie of ex now member of Take That said that watching his baby being born was like watching his favourite pub being demolished. I watched him saying this on the Graham Norton show. I just thought – is that all you think of your life partner? You’ve reduced her to a vagina?

  • Missfit

    ‘That seems like a real sex education, yeah?’

    But this will break the image of women as smooth and rosy smelling things that should be upheld for men to want us. Aspects of women’s bodies that go against this image should be shamefully hidden.

    But there is hope for mothers. They can get a ‘mommy makeover’ and get the honorary title of MILF.

    This makes me think of the posters portraying women breastfeeding their babies sitting on toilets, have you seen those? (link: )
    For me, these posters painfully illustrate the extent to which our view of women’s bodies is fucked up. Makes me think of the women in other societies who go walking around topless, their babies freely sucking for wanted milk when needed. I think these women should rightly think we over here are crazy.

    • Toni B

      I remember listening to a BBC Radio show in the late 1990’s online where they were talking about the hypocritical views of breasts in the United States. I can’t remember exactly but I think some poor mother on the east coast had been arrested for indecent exposure for breastfeeding. It was a two hour show and caller after caller from Africa to Europe to Asia including an equal number of men and women commented on how stupid we are in the United States. Everyone was pointing out that the big duh that women who have given birth produce milk to feed their babies. The best call was from a Nigerian or Ghananian man with a heavy who kept saying over and over again, “American men! They’re ok with the breast on the TV and breasts on the magazines and giant breasts of the billboards but they get upset when they see a breast doing one of things a breasts is actually suppose to do. Don’t Americans know biology?” He was really angry and upset about it and finally the host had to hang up on him to let all the other callers in.

      • anaeli

        Well either Europe has changed a lot or maybe I’m living in the not so woman-friendly part of Europe (probably both?). It is true that I have heard that in Western Europe women are quite encouraged to breastfeed in public. Unfortunately, I have read and heard so many negative comments on women’s breastfeeding in public (in my country), mostly from other women who chastise those who breastfeed in public as vulgar for showing their breasts. Often have I heard people say something along the lines of “Moms with newborns should just stay inside and take care of their babies, they have no business going out” or many say that moms should just give formula to their babies. Both reactions sadden me deeply. I don’t have kids, and I get it that having a baby changes your life completely, however you can’t expect women to just drop absolutely everything they had going on in their lives and chain themselves to their baby’s crib (or is that society’s expectation? because now that I think about it, it seems like it…). Also, why give your baby formula if you are able to feed your baby naturally and cost-free? Missfit, you are right, those posters (and Mila Kunis’ statements on vaginal birth) really do show how fucked up our views are on women’s bodies. Women can’t even have babies and be mothers without other people being outraged that these new mothers are not focused on being fuckable anymore.

  • lagatta à montréal

    Well, of course I agree with you all, just so I don’t have to do it. And I’m past the age when that would be possible.

    My only “baby” is an 18-year-old black tomcat, who is now biologically older than I am. And I’m so happy I have no idea who Mila Kunis or Ashton Kutcher are.

  • amongster

    shortly after i read this post i stumbled over a scene of “jimmy kimmel live” in which mila kunis tells him (and all men) to stop saying “we are pregnant” when obviously only the female partners are pregnant. i don’t really like how she made that statement and that she referred to her vagina as “ladyhole” but i think it was great to remind dudes about who is actually doing all of the work.…&utm_content=po_1181598&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook

  • Ursula Griffiths

    My vagina wasn’t shredded after my babies. That’s an awful concept. Like women are made to push babies out. Yes the baby is bigger than your erect penis. Get over it. Oh and it’s not a sexual experience. I defy anyone on this planet to say it is. It’s an experience beyond sex. A bonding that lasts a lifetime.

  • Helen Staniland

    It’s worth noting here that hospital childbirth is a feminist issue. I had my children at home because I didn’t want to be subject to the patriarchal hospital structure where ‘the doctor delivers the baby’. The mother delivers the baby. It’s a fucked up structure where a vulnerable woman can be entered with fingers and instruments sometimes without communication. At home the woman is in charge, the power dynamic is shifted. That control, that power makes childbirth a pleasure, not a frightening prospect to get through. You can take your time, no one is pressuring you, and that control means the pain is lessened. You can walk, bathe, eat, whatever you want as it’s your space, not theirs. This matters enormously to the experience and outcome.