A letter to men: Porn is not just women’s problem

internet porn

I have been fortunate enough to have a lot of good men in my life: friends, family, lovers, classmates, pro-feminist allies. But no matter how “good” you are and no matter what porn-viewing habits you have (and please, spare me the details), I still want you to read this.

You’ve probably noticed that I am strongly opposed to the porn industry. Maybe we’ve discussed the topic or maybe we’ve avoided it completely. While it’s not easy for me to discuss pornography with men — especially with those I love — I’m going to try.

Most of my arguments against the porn industry are related to the negative impacts porn has on women’s lives. These impacts go beyond feeling uncomfortable when we see pornographic images. Pornography shapes the violence we experience as women at the hands of men. As an anti-violence worker, I know that pornography is used by men to attack us. Women have told me about men who used pornography to groom them as young girls, men who coerced their girlfriends/wives to perform sexual acts they saw in pornography, men who used pornography to sexually harass their female co-workers, and men who bought prostituted women to re-enact what they’ve seen in pornography. But I’m going to put those arguments aside for a moment to talk about the negative impacts porn has on men.

It may have occurred to you that pornography has negatively impacted your sexuality or perhaps it has never crossed your mind. I assume that one reason you haven’t thought critically about pornography is because acknowledging the inherent misogyny, racism, and homophobia showcased in porn would (I hope) actively interfere with your orgasm. But whether or not you choose to acknowledge those larger cultural and social harms, the reality is that pornography diminishes your sexuality, mocks your masculinity, and harms women you love.

If you started watching porn at a young age (and numerous studies show that an overwhelming majority of boys start using pornography before the age of 18 — many see pornography as children), your sexual preferences have undoubtedly been shaped by the images you’ve masturbated to. As your viewing habits progressed, your sexual behaviour did as well. It may have started out with watching “softcore” porn as a young teenager but, as your mind became desensitized to these “mild” forms of pornography, you sought out more “extreme,” “graphic,” or violent pornography.

Pornography robs individuals of the opportunity to develop their own sexual behaviour and sexual preferences. There is no need to generate your own preferences because pornography does all the work for you. It dictates what men and women should like sexually. If men watch pornography enough, they will eventually come to believe that they like slapping women or forced blow jobs, or will come to accept the various sexualized, racist stereotypes (that Asian women are submissive, for example) promoted in porn.

Pornography pulls the wool over men’s eyes, convincing them that their orgasms trump misogyny, racism, and violence they might otherwise object to.

It makes no logical sense that men would to just decide of their own volition to choke a woman, slap a woman, or verbally degrade a woman they’re having sex with unless that man has seen this demonstrated as something “sexual” or titillating and has become complacent to that violence. (And this complacency is not just limited to the violence portrayed in pornography but extends to violence against women in general — studies have found a connection between exposure to pornography and a willingness to accept myths related to rape and sexual assault, for example.)

Men aren’t the only ones impacted in this way — women’s sexualities are also shaped by imagery and messages conveyed in porn.

We, as women, are presented with a version of female sexuality that is subservient to male desire and demands. Porn’s version of female sexuality features our willingness to engage in these demands, even when they cause us physical pain, humiliation, or degradation. However, this willingness is, more often than not, coaxed out of women through verbal persuasion or physical force. Only after this persuasion are women seen “enjoying it” – suggesting that these degrading and painful acts are deep down what we “really want” (or, at very least, deserve). This means it becomes difficult to differentiate between what women actually desire vs what women are simply complacent to or what we think we should like because porn told us we should enjoy pain, degradation, or domination.

The fact that an increasing number of teen girls are engaging in anal sex with their boyfriends — and suffering internal injuries as a result — speaks to the mainstreaming of pornography. Anal sex in pornography is the norm and, as young boys see masculine, sexually dominant men engaging in anal sex with seemingly willing, attractive women, they learn not only that they should be having anal sex too, but that women should like it.

In pornography, men and their sexual organs define pleasure. We witness men’s orgasms constantly, as the “money shot” concludes most scenes. Despite the female bodies in porn, the acts that happen on screen are directed by men, with the purpose of male ejaculation in mind, always. Men are portrayed as dominant sexual beings without emotion (unless that emotion is anger or hate towards women). Eighty eight per cent of pornographic scenes portray aggressive acts and 70 per cent of the time those acts are carried out by men. Love, intimacy and respect are not a part of the man’s repertoire in pornography. His purpose is to orgasm by any means necessary (and to ensure the viewer does the same).

So, that’s masculinity, according to pornography: aggressive, emotionless, selfish, often cruel. Is this the kind of man you want to be? Do your politics align with the misogynist, racist, and violent messages put forth in porn? Do you believe in the social values propagated in porn? Do you think these images benefit anyone in a truly ethical way– yourself included?

While I don’t want you to feel ashamed about your porn use, I do want you to stop. I want you to express your sexuality to it’s fullest extent without the interference of pornography. I want you to reject and be free of the version of masculinity pornography has prescribed to you. I want to honestly, wholeheartedly believe in your humanity. I want to know that, as my friend, family member, or political ally, you respect my humanity as a woman and, therefore, the humanity of my sisters.

Pornography doesn’t not believe in your humanity anymore than it believes in the humanity of the women around you. The porn industry wants to capitalize on what they interpret to be your biological weaknesses. They are invested in keeping men within the confines of their limited version of male sexuality. They are invested in the cruel dehumanization of women and your complacency towards that project

Your porn habit is not scripted by your biology. You can make different choices — choices that will ultimately benefit not only yourself and the women you love, but all of us.

Samantha Grey is an anti-violence frontline worker living in Vancouver, B.C.

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  • Rose B.

    I want you to feel ashamed about your porn use.

    • Hannah

      They do feel shame, they just bury it deep, I think. There’s a big joke about how they only realize how sick the things they watch are after they orgasm. But they seem to move on easily and quick. Masculinity is such a disturbing thing and if men weren’t privileged and responsible for most of the violence in the world, I might feel bad for them…

  • Julio

    This is a great and heartfelt plea. Sadly, it seems feminists (on occasion) have more faith in our humanity as men than other men do.

  • Hannah

    I think it’s really, really sad that talking about the harms to women isn’t enough to get them to stop watching it (although I guess the point of porn is to get off to women being harmed in some way). In any case, it really shows how empathy is being destroyed in men in particular.

  • Hannah

    Masculinity should be mocked – I agree.

  • Meghan Murphy

    The objectification of women harms women.

  • Meghan Murphy

    Ha. You think webcam porn = sexual freedom for women?

  • Thelemite

    I do not support porn, but I think that it’s a little silly to blame men’s behavior on pornography. Mainly because men have been abusing (physically, sexually, and emotionally) women for millennia before video porn was created.

    • radwonka

      Porn is still abuse, whether it existed when patriarchy appeared or not is not the question. Its not because something is new that it isnt harmful

  • Wren

    It’s still filmed abuse. Just because you have no interest in screwing women, doesn’t mean you’re not a fucking asshole.

  • Wren

    OH MY BLUE BALLS!!! WAHHHHH!!!

  • Melanie

    Pornography trades on sexual repression. Virgins, ‘whores’, ‘dirty sluts’, shame, humiliation, punishment. It’s the bread and butter of the industry.

  • Meghan Murphy

    (ftr his comment on the fb page was EXTREMELY vulgar and much briefer than his question here. He was banned for vularity, not for the question he asked here.)

  • Independent Radical

    “Perhaps I misunderstand your statement…”

    No, my statement was deliberately not open to moderate interpretations. you underestimate how radical I am. I am radical. I don’t compromise or make exceptions unless there are good reasons to. Liberal attempts at intellectual charity are annoying as hell.

    Only humanity (the state of being a decent, non-dominating, non-submissive human being, regardless of one’s genitals) should be celebrated and embraced.

    Masculinity and femininity should both be ripped to pieces, tossed into active volcanoes, electrocuted, blown up and have their remains scattered to the furthest reaches of the visible universe, where they’ll be sucked into black holes, but before that can happen they both need to be mocked, viscously, viscously mocked, as if they were not human beings but abstract “ideals” (in quotation marks, because there’s nothing truly ideal about them, society only sees them as ideal), which is in fact what they are. Have I made myself clear yet?

    Masculinity is the set of traits that society encourages biological males to adopt. It is distinct from maleness which refers to the type of reproductive system one has and the physical traits associated with it. Every form of masculinity every preached to males revolves around seeking power for one reason or another, while every form of femininity results in submission to such power. The end of such power dynamics thus requires the end of masculinity and femininity, every single form of them, no exceptions, no compromises.

    • Just Passing Through

      How I feel….exactly!

  • Meghan Murphy

    I literally copied and pasted your entire and only comment. And lol at the idea that feminist writers are ‘authoritarian.’ You clearly have a very advanced understanding of how politics and systems of power work, don’t you.

    Re: Julie’s article, in this case, it’s not the women who are being prostituted so your question makes no sense. I don’t support the prostitution of marginalized men either.

  • Meghan Murphy

    We all admit to that. We repeat it over and over again. Pay attention.

  • Meghan Murphy

    As I’ve already stated, I don’t support any form of prostitution or exploitation. It’s just that the vast majority of the prostituted are women and girls.

  • Meghan Murphy

    I’m not in competition with Malala. Stop trying to pit women against each other. Feminists don’t care what you think.

  • Cassandra

    Feminism is about the liberation of females from male oppression/hatred. It’s not about “equality” and never has been.

    • Topazthecat

      That means sex equality though,as Gloria Steinem explained so well decades ago,feminism means what the dictionary says it is,the belief in the full humanity and equality of women and men.

      • Cassandra

        Not really. We can’t be “equal” to a class of people that needs us to be less than them to be what they are. The definition doesn’t work in real life (patriarchy).

  • Cassandra

    Disgusting misogynist is disgusting.

  • Meghan Murphy

    Webcam porn has nothing to do with women ‘expressing their sexuality.’ It’s about doing what men want in order to get men off.

    • antonio

      let’s drop paid webcamming. what about exhibitionist people who post their sextape for free.are you against that too? so you think banning or stop watching videotape of human being showing and playing with their genitals=liberation of women and end of sexual violence in the world?

      • Meghan Murphy

        blahblahblahblahbalhaalhalalnabaababhhhhhhhhahahaha

  • Meghan Murphy

    Ha. Like married dudes aren’t watching porn (and buying sex).

  • Wren

    Thanks for writing on this subject. I have had a lot of male friends who were prostituted and I’ve had friends admit they bought male prostitutes. I don’t understand how they cannot see that it’s still exploitation and abuse.

  • Cassandra

    NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR BONER. Also, FUCK OFF you misogynist asshole.

  • radwonka

    Gay men have also their own movement dude. Every oppressed class has its own movement. Youll never see a straight woman writing on an article for gay males: “WHAT ABOUT ME??? I AM STRAIGHT!!”.

    Porn affects everyone and hurts women, if you want to debate then use REAL arguments. Saying “oh im gay so its ok and yall are mean” isnt an argument at all.

  • radwonka

    OMAHGAD! YOU HAVE A DAILYMAIL ARTICLE!!!!! FEMINISM IS DESTROYED!!!

  • radwonka

    Men have never been repressed for their misogynistic sexuality. Stop inventing lies.

  • radwonka

    “‘biological imperative to orgasm several times a week””

    watching women who vomit, bleed, are choked, called “slut bitchs cunts whores” and humiliated is now a biological imperative?

    Bullshit.

    • Gowan

      If it were a biological imperative, the only conclusion to draw from it would that we just have to get rid of men.

      Lucky for men that feminists don’t actually believe that.

      • radwonka

        Yeah, the “biological” argument used to justify abuse is more a legimate argument to get rid of men than anything else. Strangely, men think it is a good excuse that “men abuse buts its just nature so its ok”. How is that supposed to be a good argument? Like I dont see why women should tolerate nature/biology especially if it creates VAW. And its very conservative to force women to follow the “laws of nature”. Likewise the only time they use this “biological” argument, it is to degrade women and/or claim men as superior or too dumb to realize what they are doing (lol), never do they use this argument to promote positive/non abusive things. They literally reduce biology and nature to their dicks and VAW only. They talk about biology only when they have no real arguments in other words.

  • radwonka

    ” And they will be having the sex the other men can only fantasize about.”

    nah we wont reward them and perform misogynistic fantaisies just because they are decent human beings. If anti porn men expect that then they are not allies but hypocrites

  • Mar Iguana

    Dude, you wouldn’t know the real thing if it bit you on your whack-a-mole. Do tell what are the worse options “they” will turn to if they can’t have their porn.

  • mail_turtle

    I must admit your arguments are stronger than mine. The way you put it, porn is something disgusting that no-one should watch. My argument would be that I never watched porn to see people suffer, and I don’t belief that people in general watch it to see people suffer, because the desire for porn comes out of the desire for sex, not desire for violence. But since the majority porn movies show – besides a lot of sex – also at least mild sadism as well as some disgusting sexual behaviours, my argument sounds pretty weak.

    • Cassandra

      “… because the desire for porn comes out of the desire for sex, not desire for violence.”
      In patriarchy sex IS violence. And it’s fucked up.

  • Meghan Murphy

    Ah, I see. If women spend more time desperately trying to play the role of ‘porn star’, men won’t seek porn! What a perfect solution to the problem of male entitlement and female subordination.

    • Just Passing Through

      This guy just makes my skin crawl.

  • Kendall Turtle

    So… All men and boys are rapist?

  • Kendall Turtle

    You ooze with rape apologism, it’s disgusting.

  • stephen m

    Wire Bead, thank you for your response. I wish I could post the whole paper.

    From Prof. Janine Benedet’ paper. “Canadian Obscenity Law 20 Years after Butler:
    The Mainstreaming of Violent Pornography:”

    LOOKING FORWARD
    Securing convictions under the obscenity offences has been exceedingly difficult after Butler, notwithstanding the increased availability of pornography generally. Convictions have been obtained where the material overlapped with child pornography, or contained acts such as bestiality or necrophilia, but it has been nearly impossible to secure a conviction for materials that were argued to be degrading to women or showed women subjected to sexual violence.What, then, might the future hold for pornography regulation in Canadian law? The present situation is in my view, untenable. We retain a legal claim that certain kinds of pornography can be harmful and discriminatory toward women, yet virtually none of the large quantity of materials meeting that definition can be successfully prosecuted without enormous expense, for minimal results. Feminists opposed to the pornography industry in Canada are in the unenviable position of receiving the
    criticism with none of the presumable benefits of such a law. This might be okay if other forums were being used, with the criminal law acting as merely a statement of social principle, but that does not appear to be the case today. Film review boards and Canada Customs do not regulate the internet. For the materials they do review, their role is to reflect the criminal law as applied by the courts.One option might be to pass a much narrower law that applies more clearly to a smaller range of extreme pornographic materials. Taking a cue from child pornography laws, this might be extended to simple possession as well as manufacture and distribution. Such a law would presumably be more attractive to enforce in that it would provide added definitional clarity and would not require proof of distribution or an intent to distribute. England passed such a law in 2009, in sections of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act.100 The law was passed after a public campaign spearheaded by the mother of a woman murdered in 2003 by a man who was a heavy user of violent and sadistic pornography.101 The man had viewed this pornography immediately prior to the murder. A Home Office consultation report from 2005 noted that while the evidence was not conclusive, the government believed that such materials could cause criminal behaviour and be harmful to those involved in its production.102 The same report noted that the materials, despite their widespread availability, would be considered abhorrent
    by most people and that they should have no place in British Society. The hope in passing such a law was that, as with the child pornography law, there would be a tool for controlling materials produced in other countries and reducing some of the market for them. 103
    The law criminalizes the possession of extreme pornographic images or films, which are defined according to three requirements. The image must be pornographic (defined as reasonably assumed to be produced solely for the purpose of sexual arousal); it must be grossly offensive, disgusting or otherwise obscene; and it must explicitly or realistically portray a life-threatening act; an act resulting in or likely to result to serious injury to a person’s anus, breasts or genitals, or a sexual act involving a corpse or bestiality. The image must be one that a reasonable person would believe involves a real human being, thus excluding drawings and animations. The section does not apply to works
    classified by the British Board of Film Classification. Various defences are also available in the statute. 104 The offences are hybrid offences with no minimum penalties.
    The law was supported by victims’ rights groups and some feminist groups, as well as many
    members of the public. The law also attracted criticism from civil libertarians and others concerned about censorship. The fact that the pornography in question was “extreme” may have tipped the balance in favour of the law, but it did not materially change the tenor of the debates.
    Initial academic scholarship on the new law was also mixed, but for the most part thoughtful and not mired in blind adherence to the notion that extreme pornography was either incapable of definition or inevitably classed as valuable speech. The law has been applied most often in cases where child pornography charges have also been laid or where the materials depicted bestiality.105 The Crown Prosecution Service statistics on charges
    laid under the section between 2009 and 2012 confirm this trend.106 For example in 2010-2011 (the last year full year for which information was provided, there were 995 cases involving allegations of bestiality images that reached a hearing, while only 170 involving pornographic materials that portrayed acts that threatened life or were likely to result in serious genital injuries.107 I have not been able to find any judicial reasons or newspaper articles about convictions in this second category involving harm to adult women.108 While it is probably still too early to draw firm conclusions about this new law, it does seem that materials that present extreme sexualized violence against women are not regularly falling within its scope, even though that was the reason the law was passed in the first place.
    More recently, English parliamentarians have worked with internet service providers to offer support to those who want to limit the availability of pornography on their home computers and other devices linked to a home Wi-Fi network, as well as to discourage online searches for illegal materials109. This includes introduction of default “family-friendly content filters” created by internet service providers that restrict adult material from all electronic devices accessing a Wi-Fi network. Once implemented, all home and public Wi-Fi networks will have family-friendly content filters engaged by default, though private account holders can deactivate the filters for home Wi-Fi networks upon request. The British government also made an appeal to internet search engine companies requesting that they introduce new measures to blacklist certain search terms or to identify obviously illegal searches in
    an effort to ultimately block illegal content from appearing as search results, with the threat of legislation that restricts illegal content if companies do not adopt these new measures voluntarily. Additionally, the government clarified that online pornography will be subject to the same content restrictions that apply to pornography sold in licensed sex shops, and stated that possession of rape-depicting pornography will become a new criminal offence in England, consistent with Scottish laws that already criminalize this type of pornography.110 These initiatives respond to persistent concerns about the harms of violent pornography, in particular to young people who have easy access to online materials.111

  • Wire Bead

    Do you have sex with pigs in your daily life? Do you attempt to have an relationship, perhaps a family, with pigs? No, you do not. So your pork chop eating is less likely to impact your human relationships.

    Porn viewing, on the other hand, involves inducing one of the most pleasurable human sensations, an orgasm (powerful motivator) while watching women be subjected to humiliating and violent and invasive “sex” acts. Then you turn around and go about your daily life interacting with female co workers, neighbors, friends and perhaps even female family members. So, yes, your porn viewing is very likely to impact the way you relate to females in your life.

    • mail_turtle

      I already stopped watching porn, so provided that I stick with it, you can ask me in two years on this forum whether it has changed the way I relate to females (I don’t think it will, although I have no arguments to properly explain it). I think I could have a relationship with a pig though (not a sexual relationship of course), they seem like really friendly creatures, and I also feel friendly towards them.

  • Meghan Murphy

    How exactly are men being ‘sexually repressed’?

  • Meghan Murphy

    Your idea of what ‘male and female nature’ is is based on a Western, heteronormative, patriarchal context, making it not ‘nature’ at all. Socialization is real.

  • DukeNukem

    There are places I could go to hear men express similar frustrations with the female half of the species. I think some diplomacy might help reduce tensions in the War of the Sexes. Give a little, get a little. Compromise and negotiate. Finding ways for men and women to live together in peace might require both sides accepting that humans are very imperfect.

    • Meghan Murphy

      HA. I think women have ‘compromised’ plenty. And yet…

    • Kendall Turtle

      Yeah I have been to those other sides, saying that if raping, murdering, and assaulting women is a flaw of men’s and that you’d rather get rid of them than ally with them makes a lot more sense than the other side saying they want to murder and rape women because they don’t have sex with them enough 😉

  • Kendall Turtle

    Well first of all, the majority of women do not orgasm through PIV, and most men know nothing about the clitoris or how it works… Coitus is focused far too much on in our society leaving many women orgasmless, would you want to have sex with your partner if you never achieved an orgasm? If you knew your partner did not care about if this or that felt pleasurable to you? That is a stark reality women are faced with.

    men have always been selfish lovers because of patriarchy, pornography definitely doesn’t help with that mindset either.

    • DukeNukem

      Don’t the overwhelming majority of heterosexual men (I’m speaking specifically in the context of North America but also other developed western countries) now regularly practice various forms of clitoral stimulation, cunnilingus, and seek to find other ways of pleasing their female partners? What would you like to see done by non-profits, feminist activists, governments, and others to make sex a more pleasurable experience for heterosexual women? If men make greater efforts in this regard would you and other radical feminists (I believe that is the correct term for the kind of feminism this website represents) be willing to promote that as part of your efforts to reduce pornography usage?

      • Meghan Murphy

        You don’t get it. Our goal is not to satisfy male desire. Like, we aren’t here to make deals with you, a la, “If we do this, will you do this?” Why can you not get your head around the fact that this isn’t about what *you* (or other men) want?

        • DukeNukem

          Isn’t it about what men AND women want? Again, neither group is some tiny minority. And most people desire to be in relationship with the opposite sex. Don’t we ultimately have to find solutions that work for both sides?

          • Meghan Murphy

            What are you talking about? No, feminism isn’t about ‘what men AND women want’ — it’s about liberating women from patriarchal oppression.

      • Kendall Turtle

        No they don’t, or obviously women would be much more up for sex.

        Men do not watch porn because of a lack of sex, they watch it because they don’t have to care about how the woman feels and if she likes what is happening, selfishness. nothing will reduce men’s porn consumption except challenging male entitlement to women’s bodies.

      • Um, no. Having a majority of men jump over a bar set so low it should be taken for granted (the pleasure of their sex partners) IRL would not change my opinion of porn, the patriarchy, or anything else.

        If you got a blow job from a very pretty lady, would you decide women get to be the dominant sex in our society forever?

    • I wish I could upvote this comment more than once.

  • Kendall Turtle

    I wasn’t comparing women to children, I was pointing out the illogical argument you were making, it wouldn’t make sense in any other context but yet you seem to think it’s ok to use it for women. We wouldn’t argue that pedophilic men need an outlet (group of child prostitutes, or for child porn) because we recognize that this hurts children, just as it hurts women who are forced to do the same thing so that men have an “outlet” lest they become dangerous.

    If sexual repression makes some straight men dangerous, sexually repressing pedophiles makes some of them dangerous also, yes? I’m following your train of thought that sexual repression leads to sexual violence, it can’t just happen with whatever sexuality you choose is correct to have that problem.

  • Kendall Turtle

    It’s odd that you say this new view on male sexuality is hurting women when, even though rape is still a huge issue, it happens far less since the feminist movement started… How is that bad for women?

    Your view on sexuality is warped anyway, you have made it clear that you believe that sex for women is a performance (they must put on a good act, look sexy, etcetc) not something we can actually enjoy, and that sex for men is imperative or they can become dangerous rapists, how in the world is your mindset good for men or women?

  • Mandy

    Is there any stats on how much gay (or lesbian) porn is actually made by, you know, actual gay/lesbian people? I’ve been under the impression that lesbian porn especially is made by the exact same older white straight men who write/produce/direct straight porn. It’s an old complaint I’ve heard over the years about how f/f porn is still made for and marketed to men. I don’t know as much about m/m but assume similar issues would persist there as well. Men making these videos (whether writing or directing o “acting”) bring with them toxic ideas influenced by our patriarchal, hetero centric society. These views, even between men, can help perpetuate sexist views, like others here have said. Ideas of bottoms needing to be submissive (because hey that’s women’s role historically and men were dominant) and dang there is so much baggage one can start to dig thru relating to both misogyny and homophobia and how those intertwine through history and how they effect society and sexual relations.

    • Topazthecat

      And not only does pornography unjustly sexualize and therefore legitimize male dominance and female submission which are the epitome of gender inequality,but when men outside of pornography (or rarely in it) are submissive,and a woman is dominant,he’s only temporarily reversing the sexist male dominated unequal gender roles,and playing the “female” role as object and or victim which only helps keep these sexist unequal male dominated roles in place,instead of getting rid of them in place of gender equality!

      And as gay male radical feminists, anti-pornography educators and activists John Stoltenberg and Australian Christopher Kendall point out,not only everything I said above too,but that in gait male pornography there is the same femiphobia,and woman-hating,with one of the male partners treated with contempt in the “female” role as a passive,submissive,used and abused sex object.

  • Mandy

    Do you happen to have a link to Gloria’s explanation? Was it a lecture or an article or what? I’m definitely interested in seeing her thoughts.

  • Mandy

    Zero boys or men in history have died from lack of wanking to video pornography or lack of mastubation in general.

    “Feels like a biological imperative” does not mean it IS. Like…isn’t this basic psychology? Just because you *feel* something, doesn’t make it true. A religious person may feel like Satan is whispering in their ear telling them to murder their whole family, an anorexic person may feel fat, ect ect ect.

  • DukeNukem

    I’m familiar with feminist critiques of “toxic masculinity” but are you really saying you think masculinity and femininity are both inherently bad?

    • Cassandra

      Yes.

  • DukeNukem

    I’m not into porn. I did watch it when I was younger though. I see it as part of a very unhealthy modern lifestyle. I gave it up along with changing my diet and some other things several years ago.

  • Meghan Murphy

    By making deals about sex? Based on an assumption that men need sexual access to women? No. Also, no, we aren’t going to consult men about what they want for women’s liberation. They are more than welcome to get on board with the project of undoing patriarchy, of course.

  • Cassandra

    That you think asking men to not watch fucked-up drugged up women, mostly runaways and/or young girls with sexually abusive backgrounds being raped and degraded on film is SEXUAL REPRESSION is some fucked up, beyond selfish shit. Do you even hear yourself?

  • Anon

    You shouldn’t be oppressing or exploiting ANYONE.

  • Gowan

    I think Lucky one meant that the men who evolve are the only men who potentially could have any kind of partnered sex at all. Not the kind of sex pornsick men fantasize about. Just sex.

  • Gowan

    “You see nothing wrong with the fact that men can’t seem to empathize with women any more they can with the pigs they eat?”

    This is a reprehensible statement, unless it is coming from a vegan who has dedicated his life to fight all people who eat meat with lethal force if need be.
    Which, all things considered, is not very likely.

  • Gowan

    ” If you crack down on porn they will turn to even worse options.”

    So, men who don’t get to watch rape, will rape? You say this as a man, so I suppose it is true. Dude, if you think those are the only two choices women have, to throw rapist men some human sacrifices, or sacrifice all of us, you are wrong!

    Ah, well, Andrea Dworkin was a bit misguided, it appears.

    Women, take up arms! Men are not redeemable! They will rape either way! There is no reason to spare them.

  • Meghan Murphy

    There is a difference between porn and erotica.

    • cvxxx

      That would be a great topic for a writer.

  • Meghan Murphy

    You sure did use a whole lotta words to say a whole lotta nothin eh?

  • Toby

    I agree with a lot of the things written, but a lot of it is based on confirmation bias, you will always take the angle that will suit your own predisposed notions such as “If men watch pornography enough, they will eventually come to believe that they like slapping women”. It’s as ridiculously sweeping as if you said playing GTA will turn you into a criminal.

  • cinderchild

    romance novels are pure misogyny, but good one! I got a giggle out of it.

  • cinderchild

    “women like porn” is often trotted out by misogynists as some sort of “gotcha! that means it’s not sexist/wrong!” and like we don’t KNOW women watch porn. we know women watch porn. women watch porn because they have internalised the same misogyny you have – that women are subservient, passive receptors of male sexual advances – and male sexual violence. use some critical thinking skills.

  • Topazthecat

    And Samantha your article is great,so true and important thank you for writing it and telling the ugly painful truth and thank you Meghan for posting it!

  • Topazthecat

    If it wasn’t for the very sick sexist,woman-hating,gender stereotyped,male dominated society creating the pornography that sexualizes,and normalizes men’s irrational hatred of women,domination,dehumanization,and or violence against women and mainstreaming it and making it so unjustly seem so acceptable and normal in the damn first place,there wouldn’t be any women in pornography and wouldn’t be any watching it! Women can’t be influenced by what doesn’t exist much less be mainstreamed and made to seem ”normal” and acceptable.

    It’s horrible and screwed up enough that any men use sexist,degrading,woman-hating,and or violence against women pornography,or any sexist,woman-hating,degrading of women, and or violence against women material,but it’s even more messed up and horrible for any women to use and support it! It’s the same exact thing as if there were Black people using and supporting racist klu klux Klan pornography or Jewish people using and supporting Nazi pornography! If there were Black people ”volunteering” to star in racist Klu Klux klan pornography and there were Black people liking to watch it in the society when Black people were slaves for white people,I wouldn’t blame the Black people,I would blame the white dominated,racist society that created,sexualized and normalized it in the first and continuous place,just I would blame the Nazi dominated society if there were Jewish people doing the same thing with Nazi pornography.

    And there is some pornography that even sexualizes Black people on slave plantations for white people,and Jewish people in Nazi concentration camps,pornography sexualizes all kinds of hatred and prejudice against different groups of people,but it’s not the billion $ a year industry like the heterosexual pornography industry enragingly and disturbingly is.

  • Topazthecat

    Pornography has successfully succeeded in teaching it’s viewers like you that men’s irrational hatred of women,dehumanization,domination of and or violence towards is ”erotic entertainment”!

    • Feminist Current has successfully succeeded in teaching it’s readers like you that sexually explicit entertainment always involves dehumanization,domination of and or violence towards women. What about erotic entertainment that just simply depicts women as sexually adventurous? What about fem domination? What about feminist porn? What about the choices we have that allow us to stay away from porn featuring dehumanization if the viewer does not enjoy it? What is wrong with specifically domination? I have been dominated and I love being dominated!

  • Topazthecat

    There is * nothing * sexual or ”erotic” about a place where contaminated sh*t comes out everyday! This sick sh*t all comes from men’s pornography which sexualizes and normalizes it over and over again. Years ago when I was searching for research online on the harms of pornography a sick,disgusting, woman-hating pornographic site came on of women standing while sh*tting,and rubbing sh*t on each other,if this portrayed Black people this way for white people or Jewish people for German and or Christian people it wouldn’t have been acceptable and would be recognized as the racist anti-semitic hateful,degrading,sick sh*t it is.