Tom Junod declares 42-year-old women fuckable

Oh happy day! For today is the day that women’s fuckability has extended beyond the age of 29. Esquire writer, Tom Junod, says so.

It isn’t just that the 42-year-old woman is now tolerable enough to objectify — no longer a pitiful laughing stock — “tragic,” as Junod says — but she is interesting.

Can you handle such high praise, 40somethings? Are you overwhelmed at the notion of no longer being a Tragic Woman? Take a few yoga breaths …You are doing yoga right now, aren’t you?

“Which one of us will Tom fuck first?” is naturally your first question. Your second being, “Have I done enough pilates this week for Tom to fuck me?”

Tom’s generous praise — that is he willing to consider fucking a 42-year-old woman who looks like Cameron Diaz — tells us much more about feminism’s failures (or rather, patriarchy’s strength) than it does its successes, despite the fact that he claims it is, in fact, “feminism that has made forty-two-year-old women so desirable.”

You see, we have not yet managed to understand that women’s power exists outside of fuckability. That a man might be willing to maybe consider a 42-year-old woman attractive enough to fuck is, society believes, feminism’s greatest success. But what Tom understands to be an accomplishment is actually merely significant of the fact that women are still defined and valued based on their relationships to men.

It is Junod’s article that explains why so many still believe cat calls are a compliment and that empowerment comes from cleavage-centered selfies. It is his article that explains why we so very much want pole-dancing to be empowering and burlesque to be a feminist revolution — because men want to fuck us. We are dancing on a stage and people are cheering at our tits. We have, like, 30 likes on that selfie you guys (#babe).

We think that objectifying “diverse” women is progress. We think that the male gaze gives us power. But it doesn’t. Because it is a gaze that dehumanizes us. And we want to be human, guys. We want it so bad.

Tom Junod thinks feminism is responsible for his ability to get hard for a grosso oldie like Sofia Vergara. Well, you are not welcome, Tom. Because the whole point of feminism is that women should get to exist and be valued as people. Regardless of whether or not you think they are hot.

Now, I appreciate the fact that, at 34-years-old, I feel zero pressure to move into panic mode because I’m single and childfree. I will thank feminism for that. I give literally zero fucks and will continue to give zero fucks about being unmarried and babyless forever. I will continue to do exactly what I want, when I want and will be a selfish bitch 4 lyfe. THANKS FEMINISM.

But the fact that men will still be willing to consider me as a fuckable thing eight years from now is not something I will thank feminism for. Because, Tom Junod, the real success of feminism will come when your opinion on our fuckability ceases to be relevant.

Meghan Murphy

Founder & Editor

Meghan Murphy is a freelance writer and journalist from Vancouver, BC. She has been podcasting and writing about feminism since 2010 and has published work in numerous national and international publications, including The Spectator, UnHerd, Quillette, the CBC, New Statesman, Vice, Al Jazeera, The Globe and Mail, and more. Meghan completed a Masters degree in the department of Gender, Sexuality and Women’s Studies at Simon Fraser University in 2012 and is now exiled in Mexico with her very photogenic dog.