This week in least-original-thing-a-man-has-ever-said-post-breakup, Nick Cannon says he divorced Mariah Carey because he was “deeply concerned about [her] mental health.” Well Nick Cannon, I see your so-concerned face and raise you shut-the-fuck-up-k?
Don’t you think that if a person were truly concerned about the mental state of their partner or ex-partner they would keep it to themselves? Is TMZ going to save Mariah Carey from supposed mental illness, Nick?
Cannon was also sure to point out that he’s just, know you, the best dad and Carey is, you know, probably the worst mom: “He’s deeply concerned about Mariah’s emotional state and is ending the marriage for the well being of their kids. He believes the environment around Mariah is toxic and fears for his kids.”
Translation: I dumped her you guys. I’m a good guy and she’s a bad mom. Oh also crazy. Did I mention crazy? Please support me in punishing her by trying to take her kids away.
I think almost every boyfriend I’ve ever had has called me crazy at some point. It’s a classic man-move. As Harris O’Malley wrote for The Washington Post last month (and as all women know because we’ve all lived it):
“Crazy” is typically held in reserve for women’s behavior. Men might be obsessed, driven, confused or upset. But we don’t get called “crazy” — at least not the way men reflexively label women as such.
“Crazy” is one of the five deadly words guys use to shame women into compliance. The others: Fat. Ugly. Slutty. Bitchy. They sum up the supposedly worst things a woman can be.
“Crazy” is such a convenient word for men, perpetuating our sense of superiority. Men are logical; women are emotional. Emotion is the antithesis of logic. When women are too emotional, we say they are being irrational. Crazy. Wrong.
In other words, painting women as “crazy” is totally gendered. For centuries women have been told they are irrational, over-emotional nutjobs and that, therefore, they can’t be taken seriously and they don’t know what’s best for themselves never mind anyone or anything else in the world. It’s a convenient way for men to legitimize their control over women and the world and to avoid respecting us as equal human beings.
Men often like to call women “crazy” when they are actually expressing legitimate feelings — anger, for example. So instead of actually addressing the legitimate feelings or arguments or points she is making, he can simply tell her to “settle down” or make some other condescending, dismissive quip and totally avoid being accountable in any way or treating her like a human being who he respects. It’s emotionally abusive bullshit.
O’Malley echoes this: “Small wonder that abusers love to use this c-word. It’s a way of delegitimizing a woman’s authority over her own life.”
When men tell you, about their exes, “Oh, she was psycho,” take it with a grain of salt. Because, in my experience, all the dudes who told me I was crazy were legit psychos: sociopaths, abusers, drug addicts, etc. So guess what, men? I DON’T BELIEVE YOU.
If Mariah Carey is actually struggling with mental health issues, I hope she gets the help she needs. But how on earth that would happen through exposing her supposed struggles to the world, via tabloids, is beyond me.
Men are such cliches, I tell ya.