Happy IWD: we’ve finally solved the womxn problem

Unlike most other International Women’s Days, this time, we actually have something to celebrate. Despite over a century of efforts by feminists, women have never managed to come up with a good solution to the problem of women’s historic oppression. No matter what we did, women, globally, continued to be raped, abused, deprived of rights and freedoms, killed, prostituted, and more. If only we had known there was a simple solution: get rid of women entirely. Ahem… womxn.

Now that it isn’t only women who menstruate, get pregnant, and breastfeed, there is no reason to treat them any differently than men. Now that there are literally no physical differences between men and women, there is no need to protect women’s sport, and no need to create things like transition houses or really any separate spaces at all. Women and men are equally matched in strength, so men are no longer a threat to us.

Even lesbians are free from homophobia and any need for lesbian-only spaces, events, groups, and dating apps. This is because a lesbian can actually be a heterosexual man, which is a lot easier than being a lesbian. Honestly, at this point, if you’re choosing to be lesbian when you could simply choose to be a heterosexual man, you’re kind of just oppressing yourself. Why even bother dating females, when you could expand your options to men who are actually women? Having a sexuality at all turns out to be super transphobic, so honestly you should just have sex with whoever PinkNews tells you to.

Last week, the streaming platform Twitch celebrated Women’s History Month by getting rid of the word women. “Join us in celebrating and supporting all the Womxn creating their own worlds, building their communities, and leading the way on Twitch,” it said in a now-deleted tweet. As a womxn myself, I really appreciate these powerful gestures of support. It’s clear that being an actual woman [sic] is the worst thing one could be! I feel grateful I can simply create a new reality where I am not one anymore. Unfortunately, it turns out that erasing the word “woman” in order to be more inclusive to all women, especially the women who aren’t women, was not inclusive at all, but in fact transphobic and really outdated. It’s almost as if Twitch was implying the word “womxn” referred to women! They were not — that’s crazy. But some Twitter users read it that way and were understandably mad. It is 2021 — women no longer exist! God, what is this, 2005?

We have so much to celebrate, now that we’ve solved the woman problem. Truly this has been the greatest year for women, as this was the year Joe Biden ended misogyny, wresting power from that Very Bad Man and giving it to a bunch of other men instead. From now on, in the US, women can rest easy knowing that they won’t be prevented from sharing change rooms with men and competing against them in sport. I mean, how long have we all been fighting for the true equality that is sharing prison cells with men! Equal means the same, and a truly empowered woman wants to compete against men and see female penises in her locker room. It’s only fair. Keeping men and women separate only reinforces the idea that there is such a thing as a woman, and without women, there is no such thing as sexism — get it?

Happy International Womxn’s Day. It’s our last. Thank god.

Meghan Murphy

Founder & Editor

Meghan Murphy is a freelance writer and journalist. She has been podcasting and writing about feminism since 2010 and has published work in numerous national and international publications, including The Spectator, UnHerd, Quillette, the CBC, New Statesman, Vice, Al Jazeera, The Globe and Mail, and more. Meghan completed a Masters degree in the department of Gender, Sexuality and Women’s Studies at Simon Fraser University in 2012 and lives in Vancouver, B.C. with her very beautiful dog.