Six trends to leave behind in 2018

1) Sexual Assault

Rape is so 2017! In recent months, society has suddenly realized that sexual harassment and assault are bad things, and men are running scared. Surely this means that in 2018, no woman will be raped, masturbated in front of, groped, or sent unwanted dick pics (Are dick pics ever truly “wanted”? I think it’s safe to say we all know what penises look like and don’t need visual reminders lobbed at us while trying to watch animal rescue videos on Instagram), right? Right?!

2) Trans activism

2017 was host to an endless stream of anti-feminist backlash in the form of trans activism. Narcissistic men everywhere determined that feminists who didn’t believe their blue lipstick transformed them into females deserved to be silenced, fired, harassed, verbally abused, punched, and murdered. Having outed themselves as nothing more than a misogynist parade of entitled, violent, nitwits, I predict 2018 will be the year we all tell the emperor we can see his penis.

Cartoon: New Yorker

3) Good Men

Turns out there are none. Feminists have been making the point for some time that Your Man is not special, and neither are you, Matt Damon. Let the record show that 2017 proved us right.

To be fair, there are some individual men who are not currently raping women and who genuinely believe women are human beings, not simply A Pair Of Breasts To Jizz On Until I Impregnate Her, After Which The Breasts Must Be Shared With Another Child, Leaving Me With No Choice But To Sexually Harass Her Daily Or Procure Another Breast-Thing To Jizz On. But the reality is that all men participate in and benefit from this culture, and even the men who oh-so-generously do not abandon their children or beat their wives objectify women, consume porn, continue to be very bad at sex, talk over us, go to strip clubs, and, let’s be honest, have probably sexually assaulted or harassed a woman at some point. In 2018, let’s forget about Good Men, and instead focus on all women.

4) Marriage

Women: why are you still doing this? It is 2017 and you are not chattel. Also, has it not been made clear to you that relationships with men are bad for your life? There is no reason you should do domestic and emotional labour for two. Have kids? Great. Surely their father can contribute while not living in the same house as you, sucking up your time and energy, while contributing statistically and historically very little. Woudn’t it be more practical not to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding, only to have to spend thousands more on a lawyer when you inevitably divorce? Surely, if a relationship with a man is truly good, beneficial, and desirable, you can simply stay in that relationship for as long as you like, without taking on his name or buying into a bunch of other patriarchal traditions.

Wouldn’t you be happier without a sweaty, stinky, whiny man in your bed for the next fifty years? A man who you will inevitably have to compromise your integrity for and who still won’t give up his porn habit because you won’t put out on demand so what choice does he have?

In 2018, I challenge all women to divorce their husbands and let them fend for themselves. Instead of weddings, let’s have unweddings, and toast to independence and to nurturing our relationships with friends who don’t accuse us of being bitches and nags mere moments before announcing a boner.

5) Men lecturing women about “cis privilege”

Supposedly, “cisgender” means a person’s “gender identity” matches their biological sex. But seeing as literally no one identifies with the set of stereotypes imposed on them under patriarchy (also known as “gender”), none of us are “cis.” Indeed, I have never identified as nurturing, passive, crazy, or fuckable.

Women are oppressed, not due to a feeling or identity, but on account of having been born female. There is no “privilege” in that reality. It is not a “privilege” to live in fear of rape, sexual harassment, or abuse. It is not a “privilege” to have been socialized into a subordinate class of people. I mean, it’s a real wonder the suffragists didn’t recognize the ample privilege heaped on them when they were told women were too irrational, emotional, and not-persony enough to vote.

This novel game, wherein plucky young men explain to women what it feels like to be treated as lesser beings and suggest they “check their privilege” is good fodder for jokes (and we are all grateful for that), but you are an MRA and you should apologize to your mother.

6) Telling me to be nice

I do not want to and I will not.

Meghan Murphy

Founder & Editor

Meghan Murphy is a freelance writer and journalist from Vancouver, BC. She has been podcasting and writing about feminism since 2010 and has published work in numerous national and international publications, including The Spectator, UnHerd, Quillette, the CBC, New Statesman, Vice, Al Jazeera, The Globe and Mail, and more. Meghan completed a Masters degree in the department of Gender, Sexuality and Women’s Studies at Simon Fraser University in 2012 and is now exiled in Mexico with her very photogenic dog.